More Satire!!

I like satire.

I like parody.

I like them even better when it’s Christian satire or parody. There’s something about pointing out our own idiosyncracies, stupidities, or other absurdness that is so often incredibly funny. It’s like a caricature – it takes little things/flaws, focuses on them, blows them way out of proportion and the end result is something that vaguely looks like the real thing, but in a much more comical way. Two excellent sites, in my humble opinion, are Larknews and the Wittenburg Door.

I am pleased to present to you a third site, which has quickly climbed to being one of my all-time favorites – http://www.tominthebox.net/. With an encouragement to “think inside the box,” Thomas Slawson, with help from his brother, “Brother Slawson” and another fella called “Elder Eric,” regularly posts some incredibly funny satire poking fun at everything religious from Benny Hinn to Fred Phelps to Pensacola Christian College (and, hey, I’m all for THAT!). After taking the time to read all the archives (believe me, it’s worth it!), I can say that I haven’t read such creative, yet painfully funny satire in a long time – including stuff from the Door and Larknews.

Just to give you a taste, you’ll find articles such as “Child Named Judas ‘Not Iscariot’ to Help Clarify,” “Your Best Teeth Now!” (a la Joel Osteen), “Pastor Struggles with ‘Terrible Sermon Illustrations,’” and an article that addresses what we’ve all been wanting to say – why is everyone talking about Paris Hilton (complete with 8-part sermon series)?! They even have a few products like NetFinney, Arrr-mini-ohs (“a cereal you can freely choose!”), and The Puritan Message: John Owen in Contemporary Language

So go ahead and follow the link. You’ll not be disappointed.

Coinage Mayhem

Here’s another funny piece of satire from our friends at The Wittenburg Door.www.wittenburgdoor.com

Godforsaken Coins Flood Market, Cause Rampant Godlessness

The US Mint has announced that a production error caused approximately 50,000 gold George Washington dollar coins lacking the words, “In God we Trust” to pass into circulation. The magnitude of this crisis cannot be overstated, although we are determined to try.

If Americans can’t consult their coins to learn anew that they trust God, what are they supposed to think? Simple: Maybe there is no God to trust. Or if there is a God, maybe we can’t trust Him. Or maybe that’s our Creator pictured there, sporting wooden teeth and powdered hair. Oh, we just won’t remember Who to trust anymore, and then… well jeepers, what’s the point of it all?

Not surprisingly, this mistake has instantly unleashed a tidal wave of wanton and Godless behavior by the holders of the atheist coins. Satan is jingling in their pockets, and the ever-suggestible American people are reacting accordingly.

Retreat centers are throwing open their doors for all-night drug and sex parties; cherubic schoolchildren are cutting the heads off their neighbors’ prize tulips; dazed shopkeepers are abandoning their wares and boarding buses to the Palatial Palace Casino.

One elderly gentleman was interviewed as he entered The Secret Garden adult video store. “I always thought it was in God I trusted,” he shook his head ruefully. “But when I checked my wallet this morning, I learned I was mistaken. Oh well, excuse me, I have 75 years worth of wild oats to sow.”

In a frantic effort to recall the errant and filthy Lucre of Lucifer, the Mint is offering rewards for the return of the gravely misleading money. 50,000 Americans will soon be recompensed with coins proclaiming, “We trust you, God! We really trust you! Boy, do we, Americans, trust God!” To accommodate the extra verbiage the new coins will be 5 inches in diameter. Vending machines and pay phones may be a challenge, but the giant size XL moolah will be a handy reminder of Him in whom we Trust.

If all of the Devil’s Dollars can be retrieved, there is hope for America. Dens of iniquity will empty, nuns will return to their nunneries and monks to their monkeries. Little cherubs will continue to murder flowers, but hey – what are you gonna do?

A host of organizations, the Boy Scouts, the Salvation Army, People for the American Way, AARP, the Royal Order of the Odd Fellows, the Jerry Lewis Telethon production team, and the entire congregation of Calvary Assemblies of God in Wheaton, Ill., have set collection centers outside Wal-Marts across America. Other groups are joining hourly.

Spokesperson Stan Mooneyham, released a joint statement to the national media:

“Please, give generously. Our corporate soul is at stake here.”

Just stuff

It’s been awhile since I updated, but that’s because not a whole lot has been happening (at least, nothing that I can talk about just yet). Since I don’t have anything original to give my adoring fans (you are out there, right? Hello? [crickets chirping] Anyone?), here’s some fun stuff. I’m a big fan of Christian satire and allegory, mainly because it does so well at pointing out some inconsistencies and quite often silliness of what often passes for Christianity. And I must confess, that for me, it hits a little too close too home very often. So first, here’s a “news” article from the great Wittenburg Door, the self-proclaimed “world’s pretty much only religious satire magazine.” Then an inspirational poem to mull over.

CHRISTIAN CONGRESSMEN SWEAR ON PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE

Washington D.C. (January 6, 2007) — In a controversy that eerily mirrors the recent dispute over a congressman’s use of the Koran, several Christian representatives have asked to be sworn in on the best-seller, The Purpose Driven Life.

“We were asked to use the most meaningful text in our life,” said Rep. John T. “And, as far as I can see, my Pastor preaches more from Rick Warren than the Bible.”

McGruder and Rep. James R. Newhell of Wheaton (R-Ill) both petitioned Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi to be allowed to use the famous evangelical guidebook in the swearing in ceremony at the Capitol.

Reactions from other Congressman and public figures were mixed.

“I see no reason not to allow others to use their own books — as long as ALLAH AKBAR!” shouted Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn). Rep. Ellison, who is a Muslim, had requested to use the Koran for his swearing in ceremony and is, apparently, the inspiration for the requests from Representatives McGruder and Newhell.

Well-known talk show host Dennis Prager was among those who roundly condemned Rep. Ellison’s request. Prager, who is Jewish, was also opposed to the use of The Purpose Driven Life.

“I don’t understand why a Christian wouldn’t use the Bible, especially an evangelical,” Prager asked rhetorically. “Do they think they’ve used up all the material there?”

Other evangelicals welcome the change.

“This open-mindedness is truly godly,” said Lincoln Bradford, pastor and noted praise-song author. “I hope eventually they’ll use more personally inspiring items – worship music CDs, Ron Dicianni paintings, the “Foot Prints in the Sand” poem. This country and the modern church were founded on a Christian’s right to have a personalized relationship with God – regardless of what’s in the Bible.”
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And now the poem

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some strange prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?”
Those prints are large and round and neat,
“But Lord, they are too big for feet.”

“My child,” He said in somber tones,
“For miles I carried you along.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait.”

“You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.”

“Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand.” (author unknown)